Pirates

Inspired by the exploits of Somali pirates, local pirates off the cost of Southampton have gone one further and stolen one square mile of the English Channel.

The coastguard has advised sailors to avoid the affected area which is located twenty miles due South North South of the Isle of Dogs (becoming cyclonic). It is thought than in an audacious heist pirates pumped the precious salt-water 200 miles inland into an evil network of disused swimming pools, leaving a gap as wide as it is fat.

This is not the first the high seas have been stolen, in 1998 two youths stole some of the Atlantic and part of the Thames. If anyone has seen the Seine or any of the Channel Islands they are advised to contact their MP.