Transport

The government announced today that the District Line is to join the long list of National Parks. The line was selected primarily for its proximity to central London, but its serenity and tranquilly were all key to its selection. Inspectors OHMNPATF (On Her Majesty's National Park Acquisition Task Force) rejected both the Central and Piccadilly lines noting that moving trains presented a significant risk to picnicking families. It is expected that Earl's Court station will be repurposed; creating a two storey cafe and visitors' centre. Holborn station will return to its pre-war role as an owl sanctuary. Entry to the park will cost 1.50 per badger and the park opens from 6AM to 12PM closing briefly at 8AM to allow the 08:01 to Uxbridge to settle just outside Earl's Court. Commuters are advised not to add any extra time to complete their journey.